From the Executive Director's Desk: When the Danger Isn't an Adult

This month’s topic is personal for me.

I experienced peer-on-peer abuse multiple times in my childhood. So when I speak about this

subject, I do so not only as an Executive Director, curriculum developer, parent, and grandparent

— but as a survivor. As someone who often wished her parents had known what to look for,

what to ask, and what environments to avoid.

If you are reading this, you are already doing something powerful. You are choosing awareness over avoidance. And that matters more than you know.

Many people assume sexual abuse always involves an adult. But research shows that children and adolescents can engage in sexually harmful behavior toward other children. In research and clinical settings, this is often referred to as Child-on-Child Sexual Abuse (COCSA).

In everyday language, many families know it as peer-on-peer abuse.

Whatever term we use, the impact can be profound.

Studies show that sibling sexual abuse affects approximately 2–5% of youth, and its mental

health impact can be just as severe as abuse by an adult caregiver. Peer-related sexual harm is

increasingly linked to unsupervised environments and digital communication.

This is not about panic. It’s about preparation.

One of the most important lessons I learned is this:

When your child is at someone else’s home — or when other children are at yours — supervision

matters.

In my situation, there were often many children gathered at one home with only one adult

present. That adult had a serious health condition that made effective supervision nearly

impossible. Children were running in and out of rooms, behind closed doors. It created an

environment where boundaries could be crossed without anyone noticing.

I share that not to assign blame — but to emphasize that environment matters.

Before your child goes to someone’s house — and I truly mean anyone’s house — ask questions:

• Who will be home?

• What are the ages of the children there?

• Will older siblings be present?

• What are the sleeping arrangements?

• What does supervision look like?

You are not being rude. You are being responsible.

As a mother, some people thought I was overprotective. I didn’t mind. I knew the risks.

Before my children had their first sleepover, I sat them down and said:

If anything feels weird…

If you see or hear something you shouldn’t…

If you get a bad feeling…

Call me. No matter how late it is. I will come get you.”

And I added something even more important:

Even if you feel like you did something wrong.

Even if you feel confused.

Even if part of you liked something but knew it wasn’t right.

You can still tell me. I will still love you. I will still protect you.”

That conversation mattered more than any checklist.

There were nights my children did call me. Not because of abuse — but because they felt

uncomfortable. And every time, I was grateful they knew they could call.

Research shows that many children do not report peer-related sexual harm because they feel

confused, ashamed, or afraid of getting someone in trouble. Sometimes what begins as curiosity

becomes coercive. Sometimes children don’t have the language to explain what happened.

That is why our job as adults is to keep the door open.

Peer-on-peer abuse or COCSA — often happens in:

• Unsupervised homes

• Large group sleepovers

• Mixed-age gatherings

• Shared bedrooms

• Digital spaces where images can be sent privately

Prevention does not require fear. It requires clarity.

Know the environment.

Know who is present.

Create open communication.

Remove shame from the conversation.

I cannot change what happened to me. But I can help other parents avoid the silence that

surrounded it.

My prayer for you this month is simple:

Create a home where your child knows they can call you — at midnight, at 2 a.m., at any hour —

and you will come.

Not with anger.

Not with interrogation.

But with protection.

Awareness is not overprotection.

It is love in action.

Sonni Wilson

Executive Director, PPE Kids