Parents of 8–12 year olds
The middle years. Focus: the Safety Circle and recognizing “testing.”
As children become more social, offenders look for “compliant” or “lonely” targets. This is the stage where grooming often begins.
EVEN IF: always tell a safe grown-up
Every “but” a child might have, answered with “even if.” What to say to your child before anything happens. About 2 minutes.
Read the transcript
Sonni: Welcome back to Ask Lumi. Today we’re talking about two little words that can make a big difference: “even if.” Lumi, what do you mean by that?
Lumi: Sometimes kids have a “but” in their head that stops them from telling. “But I’ll get in trouble.” “But they said it was a secret.” So we answer every “but” with an “even if.” Always tell a safe grown-up, no matter what. Even if.
Sonni: Let’s go through them. What’s the first one?
Lumi: Even if someone said to keep it a secret. We never keep secrets about touching.
Sonni: What else?
Lumi: Even if they said you’d get in trouble, or that nobody would believe you. Even if it’s someone you know and love. Even if it felt good, or confusing, or you weren’t sure it was wrong.
Sonni: That one matters so much.
Lumi: It really does. Bodies can feel things, and that never makes it a child’s fault. Even if you said yes at first, or went along with it. Even if you started the conversation, like in a game or a chat online. Even if you broke a rule, like going somewhere you weren’t supposed to.
Sonni: And if it happened a while ago?
Lumi: Even if it happened a long time ago. It’s never too late to tell. And even if you already told someone and nothing changed: tell another safe grown-up, and keep telling until someone helps.
Sonni: Lumi, what do you want parents to do with this?
Lumi: Say it to your child before anything ever happens. Try: “You can always tell me, even if. You will never be in trouble for telling me.”
Sonni: And if your child does tell you?
Lumi: Stay calm, and say, “Thank you for telling me. You did the right thing. My job is to help you be safe.” Then reach out for help.
Sonni: Thank you, Lumi. Grown-ups, remember: no matter what, even if.
Lumi: Aye aye! It’s never a child’s fault. Always tell.
💌 Have a question for Sonni and Lumi? Email [email protected] with your question or an idea for a future episode. You can stay anonymous, or share your first name if you’d like us to mention you.
Watch: Trusted Talk for ages 8–12
What to do
- Build a “Safety Team”: help your child name at least three specific adults they can go to if they feel confused or scared.
- Spot “testing” behaviors: predators often test boundaries through small violations like tickling, excessive gift-giving, or seeking “special” one-on-one time.
- The Two-Adult Rule: model this policy at home and in your community. No adult should ever be alone or out of sight with your child.
- Policy-based redirection: if you see an adult crossing a line, don’t make it personal. Point to the rule instead.
A redirection script you can use:
“Our family rule is that interactions stay in open, observable spaces. Let’s head back to the group.”
Online life grows fast at this age. See Online Grooming for what to watch for.
💬 Parent comments & suggestions
Tell us what helped, what’s missing, or what you’d like to see. Your message goes straight to Sonni Wilson, our Executive Director, and the PPE Kids team.
Not for reporting abuse. If a child is in danger, call 911. To report abuse, call the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-422-4453. See Get Help.