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Why speaking up matters
You are your child’s first and best protector. Asking questions isn’t rude, nosy or overprotective. It’s part of the job, and safe adults know it.
Safe adults welcome your questions. A good doctor, teacher, coach or babysitter will be glad you asked and happy to explain their rules. If someone gets defensive, brushes you off, or makes you feel silly for asking, that tells you something too.
Your questions also send a message to anyone who might want to harm a child: this family pays attention.
Your child learns “My body, my say.”
With Lumi, kids practice saying no and telling a safe grown-up. When you ask questions out loud, you show them the grown-up version: “I can ask.”
Hear more from Sonni and Lumi in Ask Lumi.
Questions to ask, place by place
Tap a place to see plain, friendly questions. Text, email or copy them to yourself so they’re on your phone before the visit.
Doctor and dentist visits
- Can I stay in the room for the whole visit?
- Will you tell my child what you’re going to do before you do it?
- Do you have a chaperone policy for exams?
- If you want to speak with my child alone, what will you talk about, and is the door left open?
School
- Are staff ever alone with one student behind a closed door? What’s the policy?
- How do teachers and coaches contact students outside school: texts, apps, social media?
- Who is background-checked: staff, volunteers, substitutes?
- Who do I tell if something concerns me, and what happens next?
- Can I read your child safety policy or code of conduct?
Daycare and childcare
- Is a staff member ever alone with one child? Where, and for how long?
- How are diapering and bathroom help handled and supervised?
- Can I drop in anytime, without calling first?
- What training do your staff have in preventing abuse?
- Who else is on site: family members, visitors, older children?
Babysitters and nannies
- Who else will be in the house while you’re here?
- What will you do if my child says no to a hug, a tickle or a game?
- Our family rules are no secrets, no photos posted, and doors stay open. Can you follow them?
- Can I call references who have used you for childcare?
Sleepovers and playdates
- Who will be home? Will any older kids, teens or other adults be there?
- Where will the kids sleep?
- What will they be watching or doing online?
- Is it okay if my child calls me anytime, even late at night?
Coaches, youth groups and camps
- Do you follow a two-adult rule for practices, trips and rides?
- How do leaders contact kids, and are parents copied on every message?
- Can parents watch practices and events?
- What background screening and abuse-prevention training do your leaders have?
- What happens when a leader breaks a safety rule?
Faith communities
- How many adults are in each children’s room, and who supervises?
- Are volunteers screened and trained before they work with kids?
- How are bathroom breaks handled for little ones?
- Do you have a written child protection policy I can read?
- Who do I talk to if something concerns me?
Online and gaming
- Ask your child: “Who do you talk to in this game or app?”
- Ask your child: “Has anyone asked you to keep a secret, send a picture, or move to a different app?”
- Ask your child: “Will you show me how it works?”
- Ask yourself: Who can message my child here, and are the privacy settings locked down?
Children who communicate differently
- Who helps my child with toileting, changing or other personal care? Is it ever one-on-one, and is it logged?
- Do the adults here know how my child communicates: words, signs, pictures or a talker?
- Will my child’s talker or picture cards always be within reach, including on the bus and at recess?
- What training do staff have on body safety for children with disabilities?
- How will you tell me about changes in my child’s behavior, sleep or mood?
If your child is neurodivergent or has a disability
Children with disabilities face a higher risk of abuse, and they may have a harder time telling. Some can’t say what happened in words. Some depend on adults for personal care. Some have learned to always go along with grown-ups. That makes your voice even more important.
- Ask about personal care. Who helps with toileting and changing, how many adults are there, and is it written down?
- Make sure your child can always “say” no and tell. Keep their communication tools with them everywhere, and add picture cards for stop, no, I need help and I want my safe grown-up.
- Treat behavior as communication. New fear of a person or place, changes in sleep, toileting or eating, or sudden meltdowns can be a child’s way of telling. Ask gentle questions and pay attention.
- Bring it to the IEP or care-plan meeting. Ask for body-safety goals, a personal-care plan, and a named safe adult your child can go to.
Free tools from Lumi, made for every captain: the Captain Talk Board, Bright Light, Dim Light, Feelings Wheel and My Safe Body Story, plus printables.
What a good answer sounds like
✅ Good signs
- “Great question. Here’s our policy.”
- They show you a written child safety policy.
- Drop-ins and watching are welcome.
- Two adults, open doors, parents copied on messages.
- They thank you for asking.
🚩 Red flags
- Annoyance, defensiveness or jokes about your question.
- “We’ve never had a problem here.”
- “Don’t you trust me?”
- Visits discouraged, or special one-on-one time with your child.
- Gifts, secrets, or private messages with your child.
Start today: five questions
- Who will be with my child, and will they ever be alone with one child?
- Do you have a written child safety policy I can read?
- How do adults here contact children, and are parents included?
- Can I drop in or watch anytime?
- Who do I tell if something worries me?
Share your story
Did asking a question make a difference for your child? Your story could give another parent the courage to speak up.
✉️ Email Sonni your storySonni Wilson, our Executive Director, reads every story and will reach out to you personally before anything is shared. We never publish without your permission, and we never share children’s names or details that could identify your family.
If your story involves abuse that is happening or has happened, you’ll receive a personal reply with resources, not publication. If a child is in danger, call 911.If you’re worried right now
- A child is in danger: call 911.
- Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline (24/7, call or text): 1-800-422-4453
- Virginia Child Protective Services (24/7): 1-800-552-7096. Outside Virginia, call Childhelp to find your state’s line.
- NCMEC CyberTipline (online exploitation): report.cybertip.org or 1-800-843-5678
- Take It Down (help removing nude or sexual images of a minor): takeitdown.ncmec.org
- RAINN National Sexual Assault Hotline (24/7): 1-800-656-4673
- PPE Kids: contact us. We’ll help you think through next steps.
Go further
💬 Parent comments & suggestions
Tell us what helped, what’s missing, or what you’d like to see. Your message goes straight to Sonni Wilson, our Executive Director, and the PPE Kids team.
Not for reporting abuse. If a child is in danger, call 911. To report abuse, call the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-422-4453. See Get Help.